I remember a lot of things from the evening news I watched with dad when I was a kid. I was born in '82 and some of the things I saw as a youngster must have had quite an impact, because I still remember seeing them on the screen. The piles of bodies during the Rwandan genocide, countless elections, the Rio earth summit, the Quebec referendum, the Westray coal mine disaster - the nightly news was (and is) my father's lullaby.
Today is the 21st anniversary of the Montreal Massacre, which means I would've been seven when it happened. It feels strange to me that I can't remember seeing it on news, but for some reason there's a hole in my brain where those horrendous images could've been.
Last night I was thinking about all of this - the horrible reality of what those women faced on that day, and the subsequent battles over gun control (yes, the long gun registry goes way back to Ecole Polytechnique). It seemed, and still seems, so unbelievable to me that a man could be so enraged by female engineers that he would gun them down in cold blood. How could a seven year old make sense of that?
Growing up I was lucky enough to have parents who were both capable of cooking, cleaning, caring for people, piling wood and doing all the other things life required. For a time, my mother was very sick with cancer, and when she was, dad did it all, with the help of Grandmother and Grammie. Grandmother being such a feminist, and Mom being a natural tomboy, the gender roles were pretty fuzzy at home, and without any brothers we learned to do whatever was necessary to keep the fire going, feed ourselves, do our homework, and present ourselves in public.
In my late teens I became an ardent feminist because I didn't think most women were equal to men, and I didn't think most men treated most women as equals. The exception to all of this, of course, remained my parents, and even when I became interested in the idea that "the personal is political" in university, I did not feel it was fair to tar all men with the label of "oppressors." My father did not 'oppress' my mother, he cared for her when she was sick.
I've always found the 'feminist' discussion prickly - you know, that moment at a party when someone drops the 'f-bomb.' Inevitably, some eyes roll, others suddenly have to visit the bathroom, one or two people start raving, and the other people watch silently, waiting for it to be over. I've seen it many many times, and it doesn't seem to change whether the people are 15 or 50 years old. The arguments are so counter-productive, all it does it make people take sides. Nobody is thinking or really listening.
Now that I'm a little older, I have married into a family that is the mirror image of mine - all sons and no daughters, but where the boys were taught to take care of themselves so they wouldn't be dependent on a woman for their well being. I see them out shoveling my driveway, lifting heavy things repeatedly without resentment, being sensitive about things and having hurt feelings just like people in my own family.
And I also see them struggling with the idea of what it means to be a man, to win people's respect with work and money, but to do it in a way that engages women as equal partners and makes a positive contribution. It is not any easier on them than it is for women.
And I wonder when people will realize that patriarchy is a problem for men too - that it marginalizes their feelings the way it marginalizes women's work, that it invites miltarism and violence as the solution to all the world's problems, that only a few 'alpha dogs' will get the payoff while a room full of good men secretly wonder what's 'wrong' with them.
I think we could do a much better job as men and women to envision what kinds of families, workplaces and communities we really want to have. Worldwide, many women are still treated like cattle and it is the moral responsibility of women and men in privileged countries to stand up for them, and help with projects they have already started to improve their own lives.
Here at home, where women are legally equal, the lines are a bit blurrier. We certainly have a problem with missing Aboriginal and poor women - they are still disposable in our society. If the Montreal massacre had been the Moosonee Massacre and the victims 14 aboriginal women in Northern Ontario, would we still be remembering 21 years later? I'm not convinced.
I think we have a tremendously anti-woman government at the moment. Which I find so wierd, if for the sole reason that Stephen Harper's wife Laureen seems so worldly, educated and intelligent. While Harper was doing economic analysis, she was riding a motorcycle across Africa. And yet, they have removed 'equality' from the mandate of the Council for the Status of Women, and eliminated Supreme Court challenges under equality provisions. Not pro-woman policies, not in the least.
And Canada has a dismal, dismal, dismal, record on women participating in the political process. Rwanda is recovering from a genocide and now has more than 50% female parliamentarians. Here in Canada and in NB it's consistently less than 20%. When is the last time you saw a women premier or leader of the opposition anywhere?
So, twenty one years later, the Montreal Massacre still raises a lot of questions, and holds a mirror up to our society. I think individual Canadians do have a lot of respect for each other as women and men. My own experiences of sexism have been limited, thankfully, although I can tell you lots of second-hand stories. But I don't think individual respect can trump a system where some women are disposable, some men are marginal, and decisions about power and resources are still made in the 'interest' of men who don't exhibit a lot of caring for the world.
Although dates like this one do make good men feel bad, those good men feel bad because they would never do to their spouses, sisters and mothers what the killer did all those years ago.
But it can happen in Canada, and it did. To remember the women is to dignify the memory of those who have passed. It reminds each one of us that peace starts at home and at work and will only come from our own committment and dedication. It will never be legislated, it will never be financed and that is precisely what makes it valuable.
6 comments:
An interesting discussion. I think the lines are quite blurred with respect to many gender roles changing in society. For instance most students in professional programs are now women medicine, dentistry, pharmacy - all of it.
Politics I often wonder why it doesn't appeal to women, because there's a ton of women in law school and political science programs. I think that you'll see the 20% shift to closer to 50% sometime in the next 15-20 yrs when these women are mid-late career. You see similar trends in engineering, computer science and on wall/bay street.
Personally I'm not anti-feminist I just hate it how people point fingers at me cause I'm a man and I've done this and that and the world is a worse place cause I'm living.
As a feminist living in an area where traditional gender roles are still very well-entrenched, this is something I'm pondering a lot as I think about how we're going to raise our child and the example that my husband and I set as parents.
Ironically, the province (Newfoundland) now has a female premier and female leaders of both opposition parties, but it might only last until next election.
Great post, Amy, Thank you. Regrettably, I dropped the "F-bomb" in a recent blog post of mine, in a roundabout effort to point out how subjective the label really is...which didn't really work. The issues are complex. I have heard men call women "feminist" as a synonym for "bitch". Many times. The women's rights movement helped to shatter (or extend) glass ceilings in the business world; women lawyers, doctors and CEOs abound. And yet, as you pointed out, women are still a minority in the political arena. Personally, I have no interest in formal politics, because I find that the entire structure and foundation of our political system is patriarchal, and that in many ways, in order to "compete", women have to assume a male perspective, viewpoint and discursive mode--and I think a lot of women feel this way, because the aggressive nature of politics in Canada is often cited as reason that women decline to become involved. In the world of popular culture, the ways in which women are objectified as sexual objects is increasingly obscene, pornographic and simultaneously banal.
In the world of popular culture, the ways in which women are objectified as sexual objects is increasingly obscene, pornographic and simultaneously banal. Plastic surgery and body modification based on a male pornographic fantasy is increasingly considered "normal". "Second-wave" feminists like my mother, really believed, in the 70s, that the sexual arena was going to change for young women, but I think it could be argued that things are worse. Women have *much* more equality in the workplace now, but the situation is not necessarily better all around. And most interestingly to me, there is a massive disagreement among mothers as to what it means to be "liberated", or a "feminist". Tellingly, childcare workers remain among the lowest paid individuals in our society, and our governments can't wait to implement childcare programs so that women can get back to contributing to society rather than mothering their children. Anyway. I have to stop now. I'm rambling.
Thanks for the comments. I've been thinking a bit more about the topic since the responses, and then I came across this in the paper:
http://telegraphjournal.canadaeast.com/front/article/1333721
I read stories like this quite often and I think incidents like these differ from the Montreal Massacre only in terms of the number of women killed.
There is something sinister and terrifying that women are more likely to be killed by their former spouse/boyfriend than by a stranger. I think it's incidents such as these that ring the alarm bell for feminists (and when I use that term I include men who care for women's well-being).
Yolande, I think your point about politics and parenting are correct. The state does not want families that cohere, where one parent focuses on the home instead of 'producing' in the capitalist economy.
And Melanie, I think it's possible to provide an excellent example of gender equality in your home - my parents did it and the examples have stuck with me to this day.
I love being a woman, and I love men. Men are beautiful. To me, "feminist" has come to represent a set of ideologies that imply: women should be enshrined as eternal victims; everything would be better if women were in charge; men are inferior to women by nature and should learn their place. Sure, the world is owned by a bunch of rich old white men. But as long as women marry these men, as long as women tow the party line and capitulate to big business, I don't see what difference it makes.
Feminism is for affluent women. What has feminism done for women of colour and poor women? What has feminism done for gay men? What has feminism done for the boys who are dropping out of high school like flies? We justify our contempt for poor families by saying that women now have the option to abort and implying that this is the only responsible course of action.
Feminism has taught me that behind every good man is a surprised woman. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. All heterosexual intercourse is rape. Having a man is like raising another child. Men can't communicate. Men are violent by nature. A woman must do it all, and if she doesn't she is a failure. Men are stupid and immature. Women are the brains and men are the brawn.
If men aren't allowed to be angry anymore because it makes them look scary and violent, then I will be angry for them. And that doesn't make me a misogynist.
Jessica Wise
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