My grandmother died at home. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in early summer that year, and was gone shortly after Labour Day. The wait went on long enough for people in the village to come and pay their respects before she passed, and there was no wake afterwards. Her ten children all came home and took shifts caring for her, under the direction of one of my aunts, who is a retired nurse.
It was a difficult time, of course, but in the end it was a blessing for her to die at home surrounded by family. My grandfather, her husband, had passed away two years earlier - collapsed in the garden that spring. No hospital, very little suffering. Although I miss them both dearly, I am very glad that they lived long full lives and didn't spend weeks and months in institutions, waiting for the end.
My sister and I are musicians, and coming from a small community, we are occasionally called to play funerals. Normally they are in churches or funeral homes, but we did play one funeral at a house. At first, it was a scary prospect, to be in such close proximity to a corpse. But as memories were shared it made more sense to celebrate the life of this man surrounded by the things and people that would have surrounded him in life.
This article makes a lot of good points - death is now concealed from us almost entirely. When my sister taught in China, she told me they have a holiday where all the people go and clean the graves of their relatives and light a candle/make a small offering. Without sounding too nutty, I think it's a healthy (and helpful in a certain way) to maintain a sense of relationship with your people who have passed on. Many cultures, such as the Inuit, various Buddhist sects, and some African cultures, practice this tradition.
Occasionally, I have dreams about my grandfather. For some reason, it's rarely my grandmother or other relatives who are gone now. A couple of weeks ago I saw him in a dream. He was carrying around my grandmother on his hip, like a baby. They gave me a hug. They're good.
It was reassuring.
