Everybody has a story behind how they caught the theatre 'bug.' A big part of my story was named Andrew and David Stitt. They were two years older than me, and some of the funnest most creative people I have ever met (and yes, I know funnest isn't a word).
We were in "Little Shop of Horrors" together, and it was a blast. The WHS theatre was literally my second home and when they graduated the boys were a doorway into the bigger world of Halifax, the theatre scene, etc.
As many of you know, they passed away in a car accident in the summer of 2000. That was a blow to the many people who loved and appreciated them for the vibrant guys they were. At the funeral someone read "Andrew's New World Order" and despite the tragic circumstances it was still one of the funniest lists I've ever heard. Eat your heart out, Letterman... Here it is.
1) 6 Month years. That way winter is shorter, Christmas is longer and Easter will be in the same month so there is less confusion.
2) When you're sixteen you make a list of your 10 favorite jobs and every month (60 days) you will change. You will get some good and some bad days.
3) Minutes will have 100 seconds to make things easier. I know this will mess up our current system, so it will go 58,59,100.
4) 3-4 will be singing and dancing hour. If you don't sing and dance you will be shot. Every system needs a little fear in it. Don't worry the snipers won't be very good, remember they only have the job for a month.
5) A bunch of other things will change. Up is now left, right is superright and down doesn't exist. 1 is 3 and 3 will get a much needed vacation.
6) Stop signs will now read "Whoa there partner slow down." You see stop signs are too vague. I don't know what they want me to stop doing.
7) Wars will be fought with nothing but open fields and people without arms or legs. They will be televised.
8) Fat people are now medium, medium will be skinny and skinny will be fat. That way it wouldn't be so important to be skinny, most people already are. People with eating disorders will gain weight to become skinny so there will be less vomiting.
9) There will be no crime. The only people who will go to jail are the people who were picked to be there for that month. Think, you could be a judge, juror and executioner all together.
10) Cars will be replaced by planes. This way a) there will be a lot more cool plane crashes b) less fatal car crashes which have seen a sharp increase as of late.
11) People must shower in Booze that way everyone will smell hungover instead of that one alcoholic & his feelings would be hurt.
(Written by Andrew Stitt, no corrections or alterations have been made)
1 comment:
They were great guys there is no question. Every so often people come into and out of your life that you never forget. Andrew and David were two of those individuals. I remember this list being read at the funeral as well, along with the one that stated there should be a disco ball hanging, and that request to this day is present at McDonalds. I think of them every time I see it. Their memory will live on in those of us fortunate enough to have gotten to know them.
JFC
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