Why you should throw gender role stereotypes in the garbage

Well, because they belong in the trash, for starters.

Let me back up a bit.  My husband and I are coming up on our fourth anniversary.  Time sure does fly.

When you get married, there are all kinds of lovely stereotypes people love to foist on you. A random sample of comments I've heard:

"Well, you're old and married now."
"When are you going to give your parents some grandkids?"
"Put that on the 'honey-do' list"
"Your husband will love these recipes"
"Nick can cook?"
"Remember, you're just one little girl"

In our house, we are share the work pretty equally.  For example, yesterday we were both home. I spent the majority of the day figuring out how to build a coffee table out of scrap wood and Nick spent most of the day making delicious tomato soup using our garden tomatoes.

I needed some help with setting up the saw, so he helped me and showed me how to change the paper on the belt sander. I pulled the nails, cut and sanded the pieces myself.

He didn't have any celery so I advised him that the Italian flat-leaf parsley we have on hand would substitute. He made a litre of the most divine soup, using a recipe that has been in his family for three generations. He also made an awesome curry out of leftover beef roast we had in the refrigerator.

We had a great day and got a lot done.  Why should this be a big deal in the 21st century?  In our house, it's really not.  Some days I'm in the kitchen, and some days he is.  Ditto for yard work, construction, gardening, snow shovelling etc.

I encounter a lot of people who make comments about their spouses' proclivities - wives who can or can't cook, and whether that make them 'good wives' or not, husbands who are endlessly messy, and need to be 'trained.' You get the picture.

I find the stereotypes behind these comments suffocating - they are demeaning to both partners and the only purpose they serve is to control men and women's behaviour according to ridiculous norms.

It's important for men to be able to cook and clean.  This is a major contribution to the household and gives the man a feeling of nurturing and also an understanding of how endless these tasks are.

It's important for women to have some experience with tools and saws and heavy physical work.  Because it's exhausting and dangerous sometimes, but seeing your work turn out well is rewarding and builds confidence.

Most of all, being free to do a variety of tasks helps you find new things you like, and helps you appreciate your partner's efforts. I think small things like the division of labour in a household are really big things, and when change like this begins at home, it is extremely powerful. And tasty.

Everybody wins. So ignore the gender-based foolishness and get on with whatever needs doing to make your house a home.