You Deserve Good Things

Once I had a conversation with a very wise woman whom I respect very much.  We were talking about why people who are in bad relationships stay there.  She said that it's because they don't feel they have options, or because they are attached to the people who are mistreating them, or because they're not ready to leave. 

I related a conversation I'd had with one of my extended family members, who always seemed to blame himself when someone else treating him poorly.  I asked him if he thought he deserved good things in life.  He avoided the question.  So I asked him again, if he thought he deserved good things.  You mean like, nice stuff, he asked me.  No, I said, like being happy, and being treated with love and kindness by the people around you.  He did not want to answer this question.

The lady looked me squarely in the eye and she said "many people - most people - do not believe that they deserve good things in life.  They don't feel they are worthy." 

I didn't grow up in a Jungian family where my parents told me I was entitled to good things.  But I did grow up in a family where people (inevitably) screwed up, owned up, made it right, and moved on.  I think this was an important lesson that there can be justice in families and relationships, even if it is difficult.

Now that I'm older, and I've seen so many people in bad relationships - and I don't just mean romantic relationships.  I mean with their friends, or siblings, or co-workers, bosses or whomever.  And I see them stick around and I think back to the conversation I had with that woman. 

I wish I could tell people that they deserve good things in life, and I wish they would believe me.  Overall, I think people are much tougher and resilient than they think they are, and when fear keeps them from moving forward I wish they could sense that better things await, and that they are worthy.